Do you feel counted out from life, relationships or even business opportunities? Have you ever been led to believe that what you had to offer wasn’t good enough or that your mistakes disqualified you from pursuing all that you ever dreamed of or desired? Well welcome to my world. I've been hurt, betrayed, abused, lied on, and the list goes on. See the thing about being counted out is you have the ability to to be shaped and molded into your own uniqueness. As a child and even as an adult the rejection hurt quiet honestly, but as I matured I began to realize that it wasn't about who counted me out but more so about who counted me in. I realized that the very thing that people used to disqualify me and reject me was the very thing that made me special. It was that very thing that would allow me to keep pushing and managing adulthood after losing my mother at 19. It was that very thing that would give me strength to leave an abusive relationship that almost took my life. It was that very thing that would allow me to give love another try after being betrayed and hurt so many times.
It was that very thing that would allow me to keep going and pushing in the mist of failure and huge business losses. It would be that very thing that would allow me to keep going and keep pushing after loosing 2 unborn children. That very thing that I possess is the same thing you posses and that's the strength and courage to count yourself back in. Count yourself back in for love. Count yourself back in to trust. Count yourself back in to success on that business venture. Count yourself back in to living a life fulfilled with everything you imagined or dreamed of. It's time to redo the math because you are counted in.
Valentine's Day is not only a day for couples, but it’s also a day deemed for love and happiness. However, everyone is not in a space of love. I'm not necessarily referring to love felt in a relationship but more so feelings felt from within. Until recently I did not truly love me. I struggled with low self-esteem and being accepted by my peers. I wanted so much to love myself but after going through years of rejection, heartache, and betrayal I took on the eye of my offender. I started seeing myself as those who hurt and rejected me. What I didn’t know was that I would soon have an encounter that would change my entire view of me. An encounter that would not only allow me to love me but also all of my flaws and what others would deem to be the ugliest parts of me. I went through one of the most wrenching betrayals that I can ever imagine and it was that experience that caused me to look at myself in the mirror and say Girl you're worth it! I say to you today Girl you're worth it! You're worth love. You're worth being celebrated! You're worth the sacrifice! You're worth loyalty. You're worth honesty and you're worth being loved!. If you're single don’t look at today and wish for a person to be there to make you happy. For those of you that are married don’t look for your spouse to love on you today. Love on yourself and celebrate how far you have come on this journey of discovering the true beauty of you. So on today, I don’t say happy Valentine's. I say Happy Me time to all of you beautiful ladies.
If you need a little inspiration to help you embark on your journey of loving you get a copy of my latest book 'Embracing You" @ https://www.mrswilliamsbey.com/books.html
Flowers, a woman’s most admired gift. One that we look forward to receiving on anniversaries and special occasions from our spouse or loved ones. Why is it that we only deem it special when we receive them from others? Why do we feel the need to wait for certain moments to experience the beauty and excitement of receiving them?
For the first time in over 20 years, I stepped out of second nature and found myself admiring the beautiful aroma of flowers in the market. Oh, how beautiful they were. I could picture them in the perfect spot in my dining area. Suddenly something in me begins to question the idea of buying my own flowers. What would people think? Would they get a negative perception of my spouse? Would they think I have to buy my own flowers? Well, the answer is no.
I thought to myself…this moment is about me. Me wanting to love and spoil me because I deserve it. Not from anyone else, but I deserve it from myself. I deserve to love myself and buy myself flowers. I deserve to show me that I love me, that I appreciate me regardless of what anyone thinks.
How can anyone ever treat me better than I treat myself? I decided in that moment to not just buy myself flowers but to take care of me better than anyone could. Sometimes we look for love and admiration from outside sources, but I found out in that moment that the best love you can receive comes from within.
Mrs. Cynthia Williams-Bey
The moment is here. The anticipated wait is over. Now the longest walk of conquering begins. With the climb of each step, fear begins to kick in and thoughts of running back begin to flash. Heart is racing, palms are sweating, and wrenching nausea begins to overtake. It’s too late now to turn back so there’s no other option but to keep going. There’s no way of anticipating the outcome so trust begins to kick in. A calmness overtakes and a small voice whispers “You Can Do it”. Strength begins to override nausea and faith begins to take over every ounce of fear. The time has come, and the countdown has begun. A loud voice over the speaker signals all the riders, Stand, Kneel, Lay Down, Goooo. 300 feet to the finish line is in view. Adrenaline is pumping as water splashes at high speed. This is exciting, this is unbelievable, and joy is kicking in as the finish line is in closer view. Who would have known that the ability to do this was within? The finish line is crossed and there’s no missing limbs, no broken parts. Breathing, Alive and I did not drown!
For so many years I’ve let fear overtake me. I refused to take certain risks out of fear of not knowing how to do certain things. How many times do we miss out on life and everything it has to offer out of fear of failing. Fear of not performing at what’s perceived as the best from others? One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can’t go through life fearful. You must push past every obstacle and ungodly thought that would make you believe less of yourself. There’s so much unfulfilled potential in this world because of what people believe others will think of them. The thought of people whispering, she’s not good, he doesn’t have a degree, she grew up in the projects, he dropped out of school, etc. So what, let them talk. Let them whisper. When you have God on your side you don’t have to be an expert. You don’t have to have 5 degrees and a million dollars in your account. It’s your lack of qualifications that God uses to bring you into things that you could have never imagined yourself doing. See for many years I was afraid to go to a water park and go to pools out of fear of drowning. I don’t know how to swim. I was never taught and because of the neighborhood I grew up in my mom never let me go to the neighborhood pool. As I got older I never felt the need to try and learn. The scene I painted, in the beginning, was me conquering my fear. When I took that walk and decided I was going to live and not be held captive by thoughts of drowning because of my inability to swim was the best decision of my life. Coming down that 300-foot water slide not knowing what the result would be was Awesome. I never felt so free in my life. Not only did it set me free but when I looked to my left and to my right my babies were sliding down with me. They knew I didn’t know how to swim but my excitement and faith to conquer my fear planted a seed in them. When they saw that I was able to do it they felt encouraged to take the leap too. I want to encourage someone that’s reading this to not believe the lie that you’ve been told. You don’t have to be an expert to do it and survive. You will not drown because of other people’s opinions of you. Take that leap of faith and know that if you trust in God he will do the rest. You don’t have to know how to swim to survive in the ocean of your calling. All you must do is trust in him and he’ll teach you the art of floating, so you don’t drown.
Mrs. Cynthia Williams-Bey
A couple of weeks ago I met up with my sister/close friend after getting my hair done. Immediately after I got out of the car to greet her she looked at me and says, “Why are you hiding”? Now, of course, one would expect to be showered with compliments after a new hairdo, but for me, that wasn’t the case. I took one look at her and said, “I knew you would know”. See while others complimented me and told me how good it looked, my true sister was able to see beyond my bandages. Beyond the hair, behind the lip gloss, behind the smile. The past several years has been a war for me. I’ve had to war for my family, war for my children, war for my health, war for my business, and war for my marriage. The warfare was so intense in my life that if it hadn’t been for the grace of God I would have lost everything, including my mind.
My warfare left me with scars. Scars that I tried to hide under the weaves, the smile, the make-up, the serving. Yes, the serving! My heart, my soul, my finances, my hair, my health, and my marriage were all broken and bruised because of the war I endured. I tried to hold on to what I thought made me who I was and was afraid to show my true scars. Today I made the most fearless decision to remove the bandages and let my true war scars show. I cut away at every split end of not only my hair but my life. I cut away at the split end of depression. I cut away at the split end of rejection. I cut away at the split end of guilt and shame. I cut away at the split end of insecurity. I cut away at the split end of man's approval. I cut away at the split end of trying to be who I thought I should be to be accepted and loved by everyone.
How many split ends are you still carrying around weighing yourself down? It’s time to start cutting so you can grow in a healthy state and be who God called you to be unapologetically. Once you start cutting away you will look down just as I did and realize that everything you were trying to hold on to wasn’t much anyway. Stop holding on to the split ends and remove the bandages so you too can show the strength and beauty within your scars.
Mrs. Cynthia Williams-Bey
Interview w/ Flourish Leadership Group
Original Article Available At: http://flourishleadership.com/2017/08/an-interview-with-cynthia-williams-bey-on-leadership/
Between her roles as entrepreneur, mother, wife, and community advocate, Cynthia Williams-Bey and I connected for her to reflect about leadership. With an extraordinary insight about the expectations and complexities of leading others, she candidly shared about her moments, insights, and life lessons. What a fascinating leaders she is!
Q: What was your most memorable leadership moment?
A: I am in the most challenging leadership moment I have ever experienced. Running a preschool, I have learned about stewardship. About two years ago, I was the owner of not just one but two preschools. It was an experience where I learned that being a businesswoman is not just about money management. But, it is about all aspects of the business. One of the most important qualities is human resource management. For me, I learned that I must have standards around the hiring process. I hired good people. But, they were not qualified to execute the duties. I never took the time to set the culture and properly train my staff. I did not hold them accountable.
Q: What should others know about being in leadership roles?
A: When it comes to your vision, you must make sure that you have a clear expectation of your vision. In other words, it means having an expectation about the individuals you leave to handle your vision and projects. In the end, I have found that God is one of restoration. I am not where I used to be. For that, I am grateful. I’m in a better season and the lesson of stewardship stays with me. This scripture certainly keeps me encouraged. Matthew 25:23 says “His Lord said unto him: Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things. I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”
Q: What has helped you the most in your leadership journey?
A: In my journey, I have experienced and learned more than I wanted. In many instances, I have felt like I wanted to go and bury myself in a cave because the lessons were so difficult to endure. But, in an odd and unperceived way, it has been those moments that have helped me the most. In order for someone to fall, they have to be in a posture of movement. If I wasn’t moving forward then I would have never been able to fall. The fact that I have remembrance of my last fall gives me the strength to get back up and move on toward the mark.